Monday, April 7, 2014

Why??? Beauty questions we may never get the answers to...

Ah The Carpenters...  I think we all know the first lines of Close To You - "Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near?"  It's a grand tune and a grand question to pose, but folks, I have some questions of my own, some beauty questions to be exact and feel free to put them to music

Why do you have the uncontrollable urge to sneeze right after putting mascara on?  If it's not a sneeze, you will invariably have poked yourself in the eyeball with the mascara wand, giving the same effect.  Mascara all under your eyes.  Grungetastic isn't the look you're going for when you're heading to work.

Why is it scientifically IMPOSSIBLE to do matching winged liners when you're in a rush?  Or not in a rush?  Or ever?!?  Feck sake life, feck saaaaake....

Why does your hair develop pubical tendancies around the hairline when you're heading out and wanted it to be sleek so you could pretend to be a sophisticated, swooshy haired lady wot lunches?

Why, after watching Lisa Eldridge's latest tutorial in minute detail and have taken notes and screenshots, can you not do one single thing that she's showed you?  Why world?  Why?  You've blended the way she showed you and been very lighthanded and yet you look like you're a contestant in Ms Ireland Drag Queen 2014 and could potentially win.

Why do you always, always put too much hair oil in when you're heading out and either have to pretend you meant to do it and it's very Spring 2014, or put it in a bun which means you definitely have to put the foundation that's slightly too dark for you, all the way down your neck?

Why is it when you're going away for one night, you bring an insane number of makeup items with you "just in case"... Then you realise you've forgotten the item that would complete your look.. It doesn't matter that you haven't used it in two years, you need it and shake your fist at yourself.  Grrr

Why is it when you've spent ages looking at a lipstick on Temptalia, decided you're going to buy it next payday which is weeks away as you're broke, and have gone back about 14 times to look at the lipstick again and again, only to buy it and it's horrible on?  Why is everything against you??? FML lipstick that looks different on you compared to Temptalia, FML...

Why do all the brands bring out all amazing must-have products at the same time??  Don't they know we're not made of money but as beauty junkies will feel the compelling need to have all of the things in all of the colours?  They're the reasons we have never ending wishlists and are doing the lottery because we know someday we're going to win it and have the biggest shopping spree ever!

Why people, why does your body rebel against you in such a way that as soon as you've just finished applying polish, your bladder has either spontaneously shrunk in size or doubled in volume.  Either way, you need a wee and either have to do the piddle dance, or smudge 'em and start again.  FML bladder, FML

Those are just some of the questions that go through my brain on a daily basis.  Why??  Why do all these things happen?

What are your beauty questions?  To the comments!
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12 comments

  1. Love the one about the nail polish! I thought I was the only one it happened to! My question is why after I've just applied my foundation does my nose decide its the perfect time to run (sorry for the visual), but it happens every single time!!!

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    1. Happens every single time I go to do my nails! That sucks about your runny schnoz though!!

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  2. Whhyyyyyy. This spoke to me in ways you can't imagine!

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  3. Yes to every single one! As for the winged liner- it's the same for me with brows- one perfect and the other twice the size lol. And why does fake tan always migrate to my hands, no matter what steps I take to prevent this and why when i plaited my hair overnight as a teenager was I left with silky beachy waves but now all it creates is a giant ball of frizz (the answer would be over processing but still...I could go on but it's too painful :-(

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    1. Brows, I forgot about that one!!! I can never get them to match either!

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  4. Nail on head. Not questions, universal truths. Also @Alisha, I know your pain. It happens to me too!

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    1. Universal truths is bloody right eh?! Am very wise beyond my years *ahem*

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  5. Piddle dance pro here!!! Glad I'm not alone!! x

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  6. Oh my. The 'going away for one night' and bladder problems after nail polish ALWAYS bugs me!

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  7. I want to invent these kinicker puller upper claw like things for when you paint your nails and have to go to the loo immidiatley after EVEN THOUGH you went before you started to avoid the whole nightmare of trying to get yizzer knickers down with wet nails. And the nail polish never comes out in the wash EVER! Some of my knickers look like I went through a failed attempt at tie dying! It never ends...

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