Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Lovely Girlie Festival Guide

So word on the street is Electric Picnic is on this weekend and yes Gary Barlow and Tulisa, there is such a thing here in the Emerald Isle!  I, unfortunately, am allergic to festivals, camping and all things that involve muck.  (I'm not actually allergic, just too old and I can't, I just can't.  I'd totally camp in a Harry Potter tent with bunk beds and all but until they're invented, I'm going with allergies).

So I've done a bit of thinking and some method acting and pretended if I was going to a festival, what would I bring avec moi to make it a little more bearable.  I asked some of my pals for their advice to and we hereby bring you the Lovely Girlie Festival Guide Don't Blame Us If We Forget Something Crucial. 

1.  We're presuming you know the basics.  Like bring toilet roll and lots of it.  And wellies.  And a naggin that may or may not be stashed inside said welly boots.  Waterproof stuff is a must but I've just checked the weather on my phone so hopefully it'll be nice.  Bring wet stuff anyways.

2. Get your eyelashes tinted.  This saves you from having to worry about bringing mascara, losing it, worry about applying it.  Our favourite salon Nu Essence have an eyelash tint at €19 or an eyebrow and eyelash tint at €20.  The less you've to worry about, the better, am I right?

3. Paint your nails in something really bright or really dark.  This will hide the muck and dirt that you will be finding underneath them for the coming months.  Festivals are gross and mucky and this is a fact of life.  Below we have some of my favourite polishes that will do a fine job of masking the mud and dirt.  Mask The Muck we say.  It's not like you're going to be bringing a nail brush or anything with you so embrace and hide it all at the same time.

Left to right: Model's Own Hedonist, Zoya Kiki, Estee Lauder Smashed.
4. Dry Shampoo.  As the days go on, your hair will get greasy.  Then smelly.  I don't even know if they have showers at festivals but the very notion of it gives me the heebie jeebies.  Years ago I went to Paris with one of my bessie pals and we stayed in a hostel.  That had outdoor showers.  It was January.  And bloody freezing and dirty and just gross.  I'd forgotten my flip flops so had to use a pair of my socks for the shower, Shower Socks they were called funnily enough and every morning, I said a little prayer before setting out into the sub zero temperatures in my Shower Socks.  I can't do outdoor showers anymore.  No.  So dry shampoo will take care of your hair for a day or two and if you're going all out, try the Batiste ones that are scented.  Bye bye stinky hair.

Batiste Dry Shampoo - totally lost the lid already

5. Make up wipes.  Now, this is the only time I'll agree to let you buy wipes and the reasons are two fold.  First, you're not going to be bringing your whole skin care regime with you but you're going to need to get your make up off in a matter of minutes.  These will do the job but let me stress that when your festival is over, so is your love affair with the wipes.  Ditch The Wipes.

The second reason that I'll allow wipes along for the ride is part two of the shower dilemma.  I work in a hospital and some of the nurses use a phrase for when they have to bathe a patient quickly with just a cloth and if you don't want to use public showers, then it'll be a phrase you might very well use.  The Fanny, Tits and Pits shower.  The wipes can be used for said cleansing routine in a pinch.  It'll make you think twice about putting them on your face in the future!

Ok, just this once you're allowed to use wipes

6. Sudocrem.  After using wipes on your face, your skin might rebel and that's where Sudocrem comes in.  It'll dry your spots in a jiffy and just dab some onto the offending blighters before you go to bed in your tent and don't worry about anyone seeing you, they'll all be blindly trying to search for their own tent in the dark.  If you really want to terrify the drunkards, go out for a walk with a Sudocrem mask.  They'll freak out, you'll have a laugh and your skin will be only lovely in the morning!  If you get scraped or even sunburnt then this little tube will take care of it easily.  Just beware that some drunken numpty doesn't get a hold of it and think it's really funny to put it on his nappy rash.  Those photos will be on Facebook forever drunken numpty.

Sudocrem €2.15

7. SPF.  If on the off chance it is sunny, you'll need your SPF.  There's nothing worse than coming back from a festival with a big red head on you and you've no excuse with these guys.  Both the Garnier (€14.99) and Maybelline (€11.99)  BB Creams have an SPF in them along with some foundation coverage so we're all about the multitasking.  The Anthelios XL Tinted Cream from La Roche Posay (€17.50) has a decidedly higher SPF of 50+ so there'll be no way you're getting burnt and again it has a light coverage if you want to even out your skin tone.  If you want a regular SPF with no coverage, there's an Anthelios XL Extreme Fluid 50+ from La Roche Posay (€19.)

8. Hand sanitizer.  One word.  Toilets.  That should be all I need to say to make you realise that you need something like this little bottle from The Body Shop that retails at around the €4 mark.  This will be your best friend at a festival.  Guard it with your life and ration it carefully.  You know if you're having a few drinks and you break the seal, you're gone every ten minutes and a sanitizer like this will stop you from running through the fields screaming "Unclean, unclean!"

9. Travel light.  It's times like these that you'll be glad you stored up all of those sachets and samples you've held on to from magazines and when doing a bit of shopping.  It's a grand way to use some of them up and not lug around lots of heavy bottles that you'll inevitably lose.  I keep mine in this plastic bag and if I'm going somewhere overnight, I bring some as a little treat.  I realise that this is for the true beauty lovers out there and if you've made it this far, then you're worthy of bringing little bits and bobs like this away without judgement!

So that's it ladies.  If you're going to any festivals anytime soon, have a ball and come back and tell me how you got on.  Just don't mention the showers or toilet facilities.  I don't think my poor little stomach would be able for that.  Enjoy yizzerselves and be prepared!


  1. I went to oxygen 2 years ago, it was a big manky muck fest but I loved every minute

  2. Great post! You've freaked the bejaney out of me with the wipes but picked up good tips like the kiehls bag of sachets! Oh how I wish i was a festival funkster but alas am not goin this year


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